What would Joanne do?
You see a heated political convo starting on your friend’s Facebook wall. Do you:
Close your computer and calmly run in the other direction.
Spend twenty minutes composing the ultimate clapback to some Trump supporter’s take down of women’s rights and then spend the NEXT two hours replying to every damn comment on the thread.
Skip replying yourself, but keep one eye on the thread and hit the like button on every comment you see that you actually agree with.
You see a couple of work colleagues talking quietly in the corner. Do you:
Run over and say “What are you two bitches talking about?”
Assume that the conversation has nothing to do with you and go about your business.
Strain your neck to try and listen in to whatever’s going on so you can get in on that gossip.
You’re out at a bar and someone next to you jostles your hand and your drink spills down the front of your shirt. Do you:
Immediately start screaming in their face and demand that they buy you a new drink and pay for dry cleaning.
Curse them out under your breath and bitch about how rude they were to your friends all night.
Assume it was an accident, and grab a few napkins to blot up the mess.
When you meet a new person you’re interested in dating, you:
Google EVERY FUCKING THING about them for “research,” including their exes.
Wait to let them reveal who they are to you.
Coyly ask your friends what they’ve heard about them.
You see your most vile ex out at a restaurant and it looks like they’re with SOMEONE NEW. Do you:
Flip your hair and ignore, ignore, ignore.
Walk over to the table, drink in hand, and throw it in their face.
Shade them all over social media and then block them.
You find out your best friend’s significant other has been cheating on them. Do you:
Gather all the information and then CONFRONT YOUR BEST FRIEND’S MAN WITH THE EVIDENCE.
Tell your best friend what you know and show her all your proof.
Stay out of it. It’s none of your business.
Your SO goes to the bathroom and leaves their phone behind, unlocked. Do you:
Look at EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TEXT MESSAGE and screenshot and text yourself the pertinent receipts.
Take a quick peek to make sure you have nothing to worry about and then put it back where it belongs.
Leave it alone! Why would you look at their phone? You TRUST THEM.
Your cousin, who’s been lying to her partner about the paternity of their child for years, tries to call you out about a lie in public. Do you:
Lose your shit, and threaten to call her partner and yell “YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!”
Say nothing to her, but SPILL HER BUSINESS to every single other member of your family.
Bite your tongue and say the Lord’s prayer so that you can move on and be the better person.